NFL Week Thirteen Recap

Overall SU: 125-67 (8-8 wk 13)
Week 13 ATS: 4-12
Overall ATS: 93-97-2

Worst. Week. Ever. I'm pissed, so these will be brief. Most of these outcomes couldn't even have been foreseen. Oakland wins @ Pitt? Zona rolls the Vikes? Cleveland scores TWICE late to beat the spread against SD? NE, SF, and ATL don't even show up? New Orleans almost blew a perfect season against the frigging REDSKINS? What are the odds that everyone would shit the bed at the same damn time?

Starting off 1-0 makes Sunday an even bigger atrocity...
New York Jets @ Buffalo Bills (Toronto, ONT)
Line: Jets -3
O/U: 37
My Pick: Jets -3. New York wins 17-13.
Result: Jets 19-13
I was darn close on this score. No surprises. But if Sanchez is out for any length of time (and they won't risk the rookie QB unless he's 100%), the Jets are done. Probably weren't headed for the postseason anyway.

It Begins...
Philadelphia Eagles @ Atlanta Falcons
Line: Eagles -5.5
O/U: 44
My Pick: Falcons +5.5. Philly wins, but the Falcons D keeps em close. 20-16.
Result: Eagles 34-7
Atlanta's defense needed to play insanely well to keep this banged-up team in the game (and in the playoff race). They didn't, and they aren't. Sorry ATL...they were good, but apparently not good enough to play in January. Count them out.

Don't care...
Denver Broncos @ Kansas City Chiefs
Line: Broncos -4.5
O/U: 38
My Pick: Chiefs +4.5. Going out on a limb: Chiefs win outright 23-20.
Result: Broncos 44-13
If my gut is right and my picking strategy screws me on the painfully inconsistent Broncos, then I really can't be mad. In the grand scheme of things, I could have used the game win, but oh well.

Playing Down to the Competition, Are we?
New Orleans Saints @ Washington Redskins
Line: Saints -9.5
O/U: 47.5
My Pick: Saints -9.5. New Orleans wins 27-17.
Result: Saints 33-30 (ot)
The Skins should not score 30 points on anyone, let alone a team that is undefeated 12 weeks into the year and has super bowl aspirations. Awful. You should have won, Washington. Too bad Suisham sucks as bad as your offense does.

(redacted-foul language)
Oakland Raiders @ Pittsburgh Steelers
Line: N/A
O/U: N/A
My Pick: Steelers win 27-10.
Result: Raiders 27-24
There is very little that I can say that would be fit for the eyes of a widespread internet audience. Pittsburgh will not be in the playoffs, despite me picking them to repeat, although I immediately regretted that decision. 3 blown fourth quarter leads. Against the Raiders. By the Steeler D. At home. What the #$%^?

GODDAMMIT...GO THE $%$% AWAY!
Houston Texans @ Jacksonville Jaguars
Line: 0
O/U: 46.5
My Pick: Texans (pk). Houston wins easily 30-13.
Result: Jags 23-18
Jacksonville is not good. They have no business in the playoff hunt. The Texans have now lost to them twice, and those are the Jags best 2 wins. And Houston is now under .500, so the Jags are 7-5 without a win over a .500 team. If they make the playoffs, I'll be pissed. Granted it won't be a far jog from ticked off, which is where I currently stand.

Got one...
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Carolina Panthers
Line: Panthers -6
O/U: 40.5
My Pick: Panthers -6. Carolina wins 30-20.
Result: Panthers 16-6
Called Panthers by 10, it happened, so not much more to say. Neither team is going anywhere, and this is the point in the season at which I lose interest in non-contenders.

Another good call...
Detroit Lions @ Cincinnati Bengals
Line: Bengals -13
O/U: 42
My Pick: Lions +13. Cincy wins 30-20.
Result: Bengals 23-13
Called a 10-point win and it happened again. This one slightly more impressive than the last due to the need to pick the Lions to cover on the road. Amazing that I could have such a poor overall week, yet be so close on the games I did get right.

Score some points, Cutler...
St. Louis Rams @ Chicago Bears
Line: Bears -9
O/U: 41
My Pick: Bears -9. Chicago finally puts on a show for the fans, 31-13.
Result: Bears 17-9
For heavens sake, Chicago, it was the Rams Defense! Jerks. Should have had this one.

This one was my fault...
Tennessee Titans @ Indianapolis Colts
Line: Colts -6.5
O/U: 47
My Pick: Titans +6.5. Tennessee Ends the Streak 24-21.
Result: Colts 27-17
I've been high on the Colts all year, and picked them to beat the Pats when few others did. I should not have changed my position. The Colts shouldn't lose again, and if they do, I'll be getting that game wrong. The Titans are now out of the playoff picture (2 teams should be able to get to 10-6), but they did put on a good show.

Dammit Brady...What the Hell?
New England Patriots @ Miami Dolphins
Line: Patriots -5
O/U: 46
My Pick: Pats -5. New England rolls 34-13.
Result: Fins 22-21
The Pats scored 21 points in the first 33 minutes...and then stopped? Come on. What is going on lately? They should still win the division, but aren't going far thereafter unless something changes. Unlike typical Pats teams, they are playing very inconsistent.

Late Scores Suck
San Diego Chargers @ Cleveland Browns
Line: Chargers -13
O/U: 43
My Pick: Chargers -13. San Diego rolls 38-9.
Result: Chargers 30-23
I picked the Chargers to roll, and for the most part they did. But Cleveland decided to score 16 points in the 4th, including 9 in the last 2 minutes, to screw those who bet the Chargers. It happens, but it always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Way to Blow, 49ers
San Francisco 49ers @ Seattle Seahawks
Line: 0
O/U: 41.5
My Pick: 49ers (pk). San Fran wins 23-13.
Result: Seahawks 20-17
The perfect spread for me...all they had to do was win the freaking game against a terrible team. And they didn't. Come ON.

Another solid pick...
Dallas Cowboys @ New York Giants
Line: Cowboys -2.5
O/U: 45
My Pick: Giants +2.5. New York sweeps the Cowboys with a 20-14 win.
Result: Giants 31-24
Higher scoring than I thought, but I said 6 and the G-men won by 7. Dallas is awful at this time of the year. They'll give the division to the Eagles, but may still claim a wild card (possibly with NY). But I'd bet on them missing the playoffs altogether.

Of Course...
Minnesota Vikings @ Arizona Cardinals
Line: N/A
O/U: N/A
My Pick: Vikings roll 34-20.
Result: Cards 30-17
Arizona has stepped up and beaten solid teams all year, but haven't done it at home until now. Of course they waited until I was already going to have a crappy week to show up and win big at home against a really good team. Lovely.

And for good measure...
Baltimore Ravens @ Green Bay Packers
Line: Packers -3
O/U: 43.5
My Pick: Ravens +3. Baltimore wins outright 23-17.
Result: Packers 27-14
I know what I've picked, and I know when I really need a Monday Night game to go my way to try to salvage the picks for that week. So this was just icing on the cake. The Ravens O didn't do much, and the Packers D just keeps getting better. I have been waiting for them to falter, but they haven't. All of a sudden, Green Bay looks like a playoff team. And Baltimore will have to start winning if they expect to be one, too.